The Nature of Blogging: I'm Missing Her :'(

Have you ever tried missing a person?

Me? Yes... the worst thing is that I know that the person I miss wouldn't come back She's gone... gone forever... the only thing that would make her live is her memories... the memories that I shared with her... the memories that we shared together.

She was one of the most important persons in my life. She was the one who took care of me during my growing years... She accompanied me during my first steps. She was always there at my back, ready to catch me if ever I fall. She was the one who'd crack a joke and make me smile. I admit she had spoiled me. Yes... she did correct my mistakes but she had corrected it in a unique way... she had corrected it in a very gentle way. Oh... I really miss her so much! :'(

I remember a time when my mom called me to sleep. We were in our province that time. I was playing with my cousins and I don't want to sleep yet. My mom got mad and ran after me.. scolded me and was about to slap me. She ran towards us, told my mom, "Hayaan mo sila maglaro. Bata nga e." and told me, "Sige, laro lang kayo. Mamaya pag tinawag ko kayo para matulog, tulog na ha?"

I think that's one of the reasons why I often listen to her more than my mom; she explains things in a mild and loving manner. She was so unique... she was a one of a kind grandmother.

I remembered the time when she was still with us. She was already weak. She was not okay. She was in pain. You can see it in her. You can feel it but you know what... every time you ask her, "Nanay, ayos lang po ba kayo?" She would answer, "Oo naman"

There was a time that she couldn't almost stand up. I asked her again, "Nanay, ayos lang po ba kayo?" she answered, "Oo naman, matulog ka na. Gabi na." As I turn around to check if she was really okay, I saw her in pain. She was walking so slowly. She was holding my grandfather's medicine and was about to give it to him. I felt how caring she was. I felt how loving she was. You could see in her the pain but still she tried to hide it from us. She don't want us to worry about her.

One night I heard that she was in the hospital. They said that she was already weak and they had no choice but to admit her. Even in those times, she would always say, "Uwi na tayo. Ayos lang ako." She was still weak so they still let her stay in the hospital.

She called and I had talked to her on the phone, i didn't know that would be the last time that I will hear her voice. I didn't know that would be our last conversation. She told me, "Anak, magpakabait ka ha? Galingan mo pagaaral mo. Wag kayo magaaway ng kapatid mo ha?" Those were her last words. I didn't know that those words meant goodbye.

The next day, my aunt called. She told us that my grandmother is in a life and death situation. Afterwards, she told us that they were already reviving her. I asked, "Tita, di po tayo iiwan ni Nanay di ba? Di ba po?" She answered, "Hindi. Hindi niya tayo iiwan." I was crying and crying... tears won't stop. Until the evening, I waited for the news. Inside me, there's a voice saying... "Let go.." I didn't know what the voice meant before and i just thought, "I will but why?" After a while, my two other aunts came and said, "Shaira, anak, wala na si Nanay." I can't hide the pain I felt, tears went down and I can't stop. I embraced my aunt so tightly. It was like I wouldn't let go.

All of our memories went back. From the very start she was there and until the very end she was by my side; telling me to be good and reminding me that I was loved. You know... I couldn't remember any bad memory from her. I think all of my memories with her are worth remembering for.

I miss her so much. I really do. If only she was still here. I would let her know that I love her with all my heart. I really do. I would let her know that her memories will always be mine. I treasured her... and I will treasure her for the rest of my life.